Tuh-aste: Ranking the Foods Ax Tried in Animorphs

My favorite book series as a kid was Animorphs. Food is not a central part of the story—with two exceptions: oatmeal (IYKYK) and a certain Andalite's fondness for taste. Aste. Tuh-aste. Let's talk about what Ax ate.

I have fond memories of reading Animorphs books from my elementary school library and Scholastic book fairs. However, it wasn't until I was an adult that I finished the series. I've been using this blog as an excuse to write about my favorite TV shows, so why not books, too?

The problem is Ax didn't limit his taste explorations to only food. He also had an affinity for non-edible flavors. So, I thought it would be fun to rank the "foods" Ax ate in order of most-edible to least-edible, and I'll try to find which book they're from.

Pizza

I like that pizza isn't something Ax talked about a lot. Obviously pizza is great, but it gets enough love in pop culture. Let the Ninja Turtles have that.

Cheeseburgers

The best bit about cheeseburgers in the series was at the end of book 28, The Experiment. They nearly got killed in cow morph, but Marco and Jake ordered burgers, and, of course, Ax wanted one too

Cinnamon buns. Buns. Bunzuh.

Cinnamon buns are undoubtedly Ax's favorite food. It's iconic. He tried them for the first time in book 5, The Predator, and he mentioned them many, many times after that. Who could blame him? They're sweet, soft, gooey, and cinnamon-y. Weirdly, I have exclusively experienced Cinnabon through Animorphs—never actually eaten there.

Oreos

Ax was introduced to Oreos by the Chee in book 45, The Revelation. "Orr-ee-oohh! ORR-EE-OHH . . ."

Snickers

Ax mentioned the Snickers bar in book 8, The Alien, as one of humanity's greatest accomplishments. Hard to argue with that.

Potatoes. Toes. Tay-toes.

At the end of book 6, The Capture, we got to hear someone from outside the Animorphs describe Ax's eating habits. Ax is, of course, confident in his ability to be Jake, but I can't image how weird it must have been for Jake's family. His mom must have felt like the best cook in the world.

Fondue

In book 33, The Illusion, Ax ended up wrist deep in a chocolate fondue fountain. It happens to the best of us.

French Fries

In book 39, The Hidden, Ax screeched at a little girl to throw him french fries while he was in seagull morph. Can't blame that on the seagull brain.

Brown Globules

Brown globules. Ax really had a way with words, huh? It's not clear exactly which candies he found on the movie theater floor, but if I had to guess, it would be Raisinets, Milk Duds, and M&Ms. Everyone should have something to get as excited about as Ax and his brown globules.

Coffee

Coffee is special because it's the very first thing Ax tasted with his human mouth (book 5, The Predator). However, the funniest thing to me is how impressed he was with the lid on the cup: “A hole! In the lid! No spills! Ills!”

Habanero Peppers

Another gem from book 8, The Alien, is Cassie's dad's spicy chili. Ax experienced spicy food for the first time. Unsurprisingly, he loved it, and finished multiple bowls to Cassie's dad's delight.

Refreshing Beverage Called Vinegar

Honestly, Ax was just ahead of his time on this one—but maybe the wrong variety. People love to talk about the health benefits of drinking apple cider vinegar, and you can even get it in pill form. But where's the fun in that? No taste!

Popcorn Box

Who among us hasn't thought about eating the buttery, salty popcorn box after finding their way to the bottom? Don't answer that.

Engine Oil

In book 9, The Secret, Ax makes an off-hand comment about how the flavor of nachos reminded him of "some delicious engine oil I tried once." Really makes you wonder what he was putting in his mouth when no one was watching.

Cigarette Butts

If there is one "food" that Ax mentions as often as cinnamon buns, it might be cigarette butts. The first time he tried popcorn he said the taste had a “hint of cigarette butts." Clearly, it's a top tier flavor in his mind, and lucky for him, they were more readily available back in the '90s. Complex minds crave complex flavors I guess.

It's fitting that Ax's two favorite "foods" are at opposite ends of the edible spectrum. Aliens experiencing human things for the first time is a common trope in sci-fi, but Ax and the amazing sense of taste is right up there as one of the best.